The Inner-Other Dance: Why Some Facilitators Transform Lives

Posted by Joel Bennett on Dec 03, 2025

Having trained hundreds of facilitators in positive psychology over the course of my career, I’ve noticed something fascinating: not all educators experience the curriculum in the same way. While many learn the material, apply it, and deliver workshops on resilience, health consciousness, and team leadership, only some embody the content so deeply that it transforms both their clients and themselves.

This blog offers insights for facilitators, coaches, and leaders in health, wellness, and well-being who want to understand why specific outcomes feel truly life-changing.

Stories of Transformation

Over the years, facilitators have shared powerful reflections with me:

“The client not only enjoyed the training; they asked me to come back and deliver to many more in the organization.”
“I was asked to go deeper into the material in a subsequent session.”
“The organization started to experience new awareness and benefits such that my role was expanded to serve even more.”
“The client started asking me questions that required me to be more consultative. I did not see myself as a consultant, but they trusted me.”
“I have intentionally used the ideas from the training as I grew in my leadership role. They have helped me serve as a better leader.”
“This was life-changing for me in how I can help myself and others…so I need to pay it forward.”
“An employee came to me afterwards, and I was able to coach them through an emotional challenge. I am not a coach, but the tools helped me.”

These are not simply “success stories” measured in financial outcomes or client numbers. They represent something more profound: a real enhancement in the client's emotional experience and a shift in how facilitators see themselves.

Why Do These Outcomes Happen?

I often wonder why some facilitators experience these thoughtful personal outcomes while others do not. The answer, I believe, lies in a delicate balance between personal traits and situational allowance—and in what Robert Quinn calls the dance between being Inner-Directed and Other-Focused.

Inner-Directed: A change agent’s willingness to look inward, to become introspective, and to change themselves before attempting to influence others.
Other-Focused: A change agent’s calling to contribute beyond their own self-interest, serving the greater good and the community.

The Inner-Other Dance

When facilitators embrace this dance, something extraordinary happens. They construct a new image of themselves—not tied to their job title, identity, or project, but shaped by the emotional impact of the material as experienced by their students. I call this a shift from identity (or concerns about identity) to personhood.

Educators begin to see the world through the eyes of those they serve. They allow themselves to be changed by their students. And in doing so, they embody resilience, health consciousness, and leadership not just as curriculum, but as lived practice.

This is the difference between delivering content and facilitating transformation.

A Call to Facilitators

If you are a facilitator, coach, or leader, ask yourself:

Am I willing to be changed by the work I do?
Do I balance the inner journey of self-reflection with the outward journey of service?
Am I open to seeing myself anew through my students' eyes?

The facilitators who answer “yes” to these questions are the ones who experience the most profound outcomes—not only for their clients, but for themselves.

Final Thought: The true power of positive psychology lies not in the curriculum itself, but in facilitators' courage to embody its lessons. When we step into the Inner-Other dance, we don’t just teach resilience—we live it, and in doing so, we change the world. To be clear, I have known many facilitators who are just as effective in their practice and who do not “dance” in this way. So, I am not suggesting this is for everyone. I would only ask...

The Inner-Other Dance: Why Some Facilitators Transform Lives

Share this post

0 comment

Leave a comment

Recent Articles

Categories